foster beginnings

I am oddly at peace since plucking out my last adoption post. Most of that peace came yesterday. We had yet to receive any placement phone calls since being licensed for foster care. And then yesterday, all of a sudden, I fielded five inquiries! Apparently, there has been a problem with the call system, and it was finally updated yesterday. I got One email from the adoption recruiter, One phone call about a foster placement, Two respite phone calls, and One emergency shelter call late last night.

The placement we are most interested in is an adoption placement of three siblings ages three, five, and six…girl, boy, boy…Latino, mostly Spanish speaking. Sound familiar? All we know is that our family profile has been potentially chosen. What does this mean? Ummm, not really quite sure. We did fill out an Adoption Interview form, I think it is a pre-screening sheet of sorts so they do not have to read the entire Homestudy, if we do not match up. I am not really sure what the procedures and timelines look like. We have not been able to talk to the recruiter on the phone yet. But I figure I should document the whole shebang, in case it comes to fruition. And even if it does not, I want our next set of children to have as much backstory as possible. And I figure there are others out there toying with the idea of foster care, or adoption through the state.

So once again, here we go!

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I am thinking right now about how much we are needed. If on the day that my profile is finally shown I get FIVE calls, this service we can provide is unfortunately sorely needed. Some say (including me), “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.” Others say (including me), “If not us, then who. If not now, then when. If not here, then where.” Both lines of thinking can be very situation appropriate. And it is in the balancing of both that I think we can do the most good. We can’t “save” them all. But we can parent and train and love as many as we feel inspired to help.

I do not want to be a good mom. I want to be a great mom. And I want to be a great mom to as many children as Father in Heaven directs me to. And there’s the rub. Following inspiration’s guidance so that I am never in over my head, but also constantly challenging how much I think I can do, because it is in the moments that our compassion grows thereby blessing the lives of everyone around us.

I still have so many fears and I know that I will waver at some point. Yes, I am totally crazy. This is well-established. And yet, I feel like the overarching fear and dread I have felt the past nine months is being lifted from me as I plunge forward into the unknown. It is being replaced with this overwhelming sense of Peace. It is difficult to explain in words, but I can feel my heart changing…much like before when we first decided to travel the adoption road. And we all know how much that adoption has blessed all our lives.

I have decided to stop kicking against those pesky little pricks, and just go with it. It is during these times that I find myself learning the most, growing the most, and giving the most.

Hence, the Peace!