I can’t help but think we are losing our baby. I made it to eight weeks yesterday. And yet, I am not comforted. I try my hardest to think positively, but it doesn’t help. My life is currenty consumed by cramping and bleeding. I lie in bed all day long, for that is the only thing that helps to calm my symptoms. Finally, I go to the doctor tomorrow. We are hoping for some answers. We are hoping to see a heartbeat. We are hoping our baby is OK. However, I think I know what we are going to find and what the doctor is going to say.

 It is difficult for me, at this point, to think about adoption. Not that I don’t want to go forward, just that I’ve been here before, and I know what it takes emotionally to recover and move on. Luckily, my husband is able to compartmentalize things a little better than I. He keeps me anchored to the things that I really want. I don’t even have the motivation right now to finish our homestudy paperwork. I feel like focusing on the adoption takes my energies away from the pregnancy. And the pregnancy needs everything I have right now.

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