I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of adoption lately. Okay, that probably came out wrong. You must be thinking, duh, of course she thinks about adoption a lot, right? But the truth is, not really. The last few months I have been caught up in the preparation for the kids’ arrival…sorting clothes, buying a child-friendly car, moving into a house, decorating their rooms, and gathering school supplies. I’ve grown into the role of expectant mother–not just a woman thinking about adopting.
Where I started and where I’ve landed in this process is quite dramatic. I started out hesitant, yet hopeful, which were all too familiar fertility feelings. I felt that way every time I was pregnant, every time I started a Clomid cycle, and every time I visited the doctor. So you can see why I didn’t put much stock in the thought that although I knew we were supposed to try and adopt that it would actually end up filling our home with children.
And here is the moment of truth for me. Adoption was and still is absolutely and unequivocally second choice for us. Actually, it was third choice. If I had to rank my fertility options it would’ve gone 1. natural pregnancy 2. fertility treatments/procedures 3. adoption 4. foster and 5. just the two of us. If the fertility clinic could have 100% guaranteed a successful pregnancy, I would’ve paid the money in a heartbeat. But they couldn’t!!!
The most brilliant part about this twisted trial is that all five of these options are beautiful. They are all good. They are all worthy of examination. That is what makes the choice difficult. Choosing one means leaving another behind–which means leaving a potential child behind! That was soooo hard for me. Adam and I were not emotionally equipped to keep seeing a fertility specialist while pursuing an adoption and signing up as foster parents. All of these options require much time and attention. They most definitely require all of your emotions and energy.
My four children, who I have only spoken to once directly, have taught me that they are just as worthy of loving parents as any child that I birthed. How ridiculous or prideful we would be to think anything else. The most loving and beautiful example I turn to when thinking of adoption is Jesus Christ. He was adopted by his earthly father who did a fantastic job, obviously. I can only hope Adam and I are as compassionate and kind as Joseph was to Jesus.
I tell people we are adopting all the time! How else do I explain adding four children of a different nationality to my family–it is what it is and I am proud of it. But in terms of Daniel, Esmeralda, Maria Daniela and Juan Pablo–they are just my children. I dream about them and speak about them as just “my kids.” This is one of the things I am most proud of. I love them just as they are, and I am privilged to be the one who gets to be their earthly mother.
Rachel you are so right!!! They are yours! I have no doubt how wonderful you will be, because you already are. I just love the posts you sent the kids. Heavenly Father has already blessed you guys with that mother and father spirit and revelation. You already know what tell them and what they need the most to hear. He has made you their mother. He has blessed to with His strenght to endure and now you will have the blessings from the strength of your faith. No need to worry that there will be days that you do not feel you have the strength to do what is at hand, Heavenly Father will always bless you with what you need. I can not tell you how many times I have had the thought, I am too tired, I can’t do this, I have reached my limit, and them He blesses me with the kids doing something absoutley adorable or with the cutest smile. Out of no where my strength is triple fold and I can all that is required of me and more!!! All of your talents and abilities have been for this. I know you will be a good mother. You have so many talents and abilities, and you have made a point to develop them and have the Spirit with you always. On a side note, Jason and I are trying to play catchup and read up on all the past blogs. You two are just amazing! We love you guys so much and think of you often.
I am so excited for you guys. Thank you for sharing all of this. As you experience delays I feel anxious for you, I get excited when you post progress. It’s an incredible journey to have children, regardless of how you go about it.
Rach, my friend. You won’t BE a wonderful amazing mother. You ARE a wonderful amazing mother. It will just be multiplied when those rascals are in your arms.