so not infertile

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about just how infertile I really am. Distance and time from pregnancies, as well as recent conversations with friends, have helped me gain additional perspective on this topic. My conclusion is that even though I am medically and technically labeled “infertile,” I am SO not infertile. Let’s review:

4.5 Years of trying

4 miscarriages

1 ectopic pregnancy

1 partially blocked right tube

1 misshapen uterus

And still I could most likely have a successful pregnancy, if I really wanted to. I think I have a few issues related to fertility, but compared to those I consider truly infertile, my journey has been a walk in the park. I believe the badge of infertility should only be given to those who have truly earned it. It is a laborious and heart-breaking trial to endure. And I don’t think it is proper or fair for me to categorize myself along side women I know personally, and from a distance, who have endured and struggled for a decade or longer with no results. I have decided to give myself 10 faithful years of trying before I categorize myself as a true infertile.

In my very humble opinion, one-two-three-four miscarriages does not deserve the badge. Neither does a few years of trying. Do you know what makes me truly insane? Here’s a list:

Pregnant teenagers. Women who try and “relate” as they sit next to you with four little bio munchkins on their lap, the diaper give-a-way and expectant mother sign-in sheet in Relief Society. Overstatements of how long someone has actually been trying. Overstatements of how many miscarriages someone has had so that their struggle seems greater than it really is. Young married girls who think they are infertile after only being married six months or so with “no success!!!”

I could go on, but it is Christmas. I am grateful that I have wonderful examples around me like Jessica and Lisa and others. Jes has been my friend for 25 years now. She has seen it all on the fertility front the past ten years, as she has struggled to become a mother. And she remains a pillar of strength for those of us just beginning this unchosen journey. This Christmas season I am grateful that her son Georgie (in heaven) finally has a little brother to fill his mother’s empty arms. An adoption miracle, truly!!! Tis the season.


  1. Anything I am coming with as a comment right now is sounding NOT Right. So, I will simply say, I really like your new perspective. I have had 4 miscarriages (all fairly early), but I never never mention them because I know I don’t understand what others have gone through and the frustration that goes with infertility.

  2. Hi, you don’t know me, but I found your blog through another Colombia adoption blog…and was very interested because my hubby and I are also adopting 4 siblings! Anyway, I appreciate your honestly written words in regards to the struggles that you’ve had.

  3. You are always too sweet to me. I always consider myself lucky because I have never had to experience the heartbreak of miscarriage. Rach, you too are a pillar of strength, and have done many things that I never could. I love you.

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