A mom (we’ll call her Natalie) contacted me a few months back. This almost-adoptive mom and I had never spoken before. When I answered the phone, she was sobbing. It took a few moments to understand who was calling and why. This mom was at her wit’s end. She said, “Rachel, I don’t know you… Continue reading when you choose to send a child back . . .
I am currently waiting. Waiting to miscarry our last hope for another baby. These are the worst kinds of wait. I have experienced them before. The wait for something horrible to happen that one knows is coming, over which you have absolutely no control. But this time, with this wait, there is an extra heaving… Continue reading the weight of the wait
Okay, first thing’s first, we have made it to nine weeks of pregnancy. Yay! We had our final ultrasound before our big move, yesterday. Doctor Fisch couldn’t be more pleased with our progress. HB of 177, measuring in range, yolk sac not too small this time, umbilical cord visible, and we even saw fetal movement.… Continue reading seven to eleven to maybe eight
I’ve been thinking for a couple of months now how to put our foster experiences into words; how to do them justice. We have had such wonderful dealings with caseworkers and children and birth parents since we started a year and a half ago that I wanted to get the word out…that DFS is different… Continue reading deep waters
I am a happy mom, which means a great emotional current has awoken inside of my body these past two years. I am visibly more emotional because my children’s happiness brings me insane amounts of joy. I am still getting used to having swells of positive emotion overtake my body, but it is a wonderful… Continue reading elephant in the room
We were “rejected” this past November. Adam and I had started the required adoption classes, but had not yet completed our Homestudy when a friend called with a potential placement–we like to call it our quasi-referral. Among other things, I spoke with the birthmother on the phone. She subsequently chose a different family for her… Continue reading rejection
“We decided to go with someone else.” is the dreaded phrase adoptive moms fear to hear (something bio moms never worry about). Adoptive Parent Translations: ‘You are not good enough for my baby.’ ‘You have too many children already, you don’t need another.’ ‘You are not exactly what we were looking for.’ WHAT?!? However you slice… Continue reading the proverbial they
It’s November. Those closest to me know what that means. I think it is getting easier. I really do. I was a bit weepy the first week of the month, but then nothing. I don’t think about our first lost baby as much as I used to. I knew the ninos would slowly and eventually… Continue reading a year of healing
One of my closest friends and most trusted confidants announced to me last week that she is expecting. Shock, amazement, joy, wariness, concern, and gratefulness are all thoughts that traveled through my mind. I am grateful for her trust in me. I am concerned for her well-being and for that of the tiny little baby… Continue reading Friendship and Pregnancy
Yesterday, Adam and I attended an “adoption education” lecture in Layton, which meant a 1.5 hour drive each way plus 3 hours of lecture time. Needless to say, it was a full day of sitting. I knew I would be uncomfortable, bloated, and running to the bathroom. Plus, I wasn’t really sure I wanted to… Continue reading Something Amazing!!!